[insert something here about the linguistic relationship between angel and miracle in armenian? i could go and get my dictionary but i'm not going to. apsos. at any rate:]
Last night at 12:30 I came from a very important and lovely conversation (I get to have so many of these lately, have you noticed?), stopped at Macey's for reinforcements of the sugar-carb-diet coke variety and settled into writing what feels like an almost final draft of the prospectus. It was late. I didn't sleep the night before either (important! lovely!). I'm waaaay past my deadline and worried about souring an important working relationship, and, you know, deadlines are complicated. So I lasted for a little over an hour. And, exhausted, I headed to bed, stopping, out of desperation, on my knees:
Father. I'm trying. I've worked hard at this. I need to sleep. I need to get this written. I need your help.
And I fell asleep (sort of). And when my alarm rang at 5 I wanted to cry. Another prayer. Another 15 minutes in bed. And then I was up. And then I was going. And connections were made clear, and the way to structure my arguments, and. I stopped to read some scriptures with my roommates, I made breakfast (I am the kind of girl who just can't fry an egg and eat it on toast if there are garden-fresh tomatoes and sharp cheddar in the vicinity), I popped in my earbuds, I worked.
And I got something out. I will revise this afternoon. I emailed it a half-hour later than I intended, but it was there! I was focused and smart and on the ball!
I wanted to write this up, mostly, because of this: I've been struggling with God. He seems distant and disinterested and I've been living the life of a much less believing person than I think I am (I was reminded of this other day--how tied to action belief is, how when you're not living it, what's the difference what you believe?).
Yesterday, though, he reached out to me (via these kids noticeably), and calmed some old hurts. And this morning he heard and helped.
So this post is meant to be both a prayer of thanks and a sharing of conviction and also a reminder (for stubborn pragmatic me) that Heavenly Father's around. And helping me out.