the grumble of my heart

So my sister has turned me onto this show:

And of course it's addictive and *perfect* and also of course it's drama-ed up for TV appeal, but it's also been a great reminder of something I need to keep in mind in this whole finding myself/a job situation: things that you love you also, often, hate. That is, if you're willing to let yourself really love something and get invested in it, it is automatically demanding and also hard work: you're attached to your ideas and your method, you've spent time and energy putting things together, it's frustrating (which feels, from the outside, a lot like hard).

I forget. And. I invest in stuff. I am not an easygoing person. I have opinions and I think hard about things and I get riled up real fast...

I guess this is a reminder that I'm not going to find something easy to dedicate my life to, or that I don't get to be passionate about something I'm not also willing to be really pissed over. It's double-edged, this love thing (which, p.s., sounds all kinds of exhausting).

And a reminder that it's worth it, probably? (What I wouldn't give for a crow bar and a budget, gah!)

Loves,
ke.